But also because I have way too much going on today. Laundry, dishes, scrubbing my house, loving on my toddler, and going up to take a turn watching my dad because he had surgery Friday.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about other peoples feelings and how they have been affecting me. I was so used to being anonymous in the city and being able to run anywhere looking like a total disaster. My self confidence was okay, because I didn't know any of these people and they didn't know me.
Flash forward to 6 months ago when we moved home. I knew that it was going to be immediately different. I can't go anywhere in this town with out recognizing a few people. The grocery store, the hair salon, getting fuel, the library, the list goes on and on.
What I didn't count on was losing this much weight and being in great physical health. So now I have other people staring. I don't say these things to be stuck up or anything like that. I mention it because it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Mentally I am still a fat chick just trying to blend in and not try to make my presence known.
So after a few grocery trips with people staring at me a lot and wondering if I had that morning's spinach in my teeth and feeling totally self conscious; I decided to make a change.
My goal for the next little while is this:
To give a little bit less of a crap every day. To NOT care why people are staring and assume it's because they like my new hair color or my super cute t-shirt. To NOT care if some girl has a poo face on and NOT assume it's meant for me.
Life will be so much less exhausting every day! And I want to teach our little one that her self confidence and self worth is not determined by other people's opinions. It is made up of how SHE feels and how SHE thinks and is not up to any one else to determine. Besides the gentle and loving influence of myself and her daddy as we raise her.
So in the effort of caring a little bit less today...
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